| The Credit Crunch |  |
What do you call five hedge fund managers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
What's the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon? The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a new Ferrari.
Overheard in a City bar: 'This credit crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.
The bank returned a cheque to me this morning, stamped: 'insufficient funds.' Is it them or me?
Bradford & Bingley employees are concerned they were given no notice of the takeover by Santander Bank.
A Government spokesman said: 'No one expected the Spanish acquisition.'
What's the difference between the BBC's Business Editor Robert Peston and God? God doesn't think he's Robert Peston.
A man went to his bank manager and said: 'I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?'
'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'
A young man asked an elderly rich man how he made his money. 'Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last penny, so I invested that penny in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold that apple for ten pennies. 'The next morning I bought two apples, spent the day polishing them and sold them for 20 pennies. I continued this for a month, by which time I'd accumulated a fortune of £1.37. 'Then my wife's father died and left us £2 million.'
What have an Icelandic bank and an Icelandic streaker got in common? They both have frozen assets.
A director decided to award a prize of £50 for the best idea of saving the company money during the credit crunch. It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to £10.